Running From Love

Summer Camp 2013 has come to an end.  Although goodbyes have been said, there are stories waiting to be told.  This year Rena (one of our volunteers) shared her personal thoughts about working with orphans and running from love.  I highly encourage you to get your box of Kleenex before you start reading.lokasari_pinkflower2013_0028For the past three summers, I’ve attended Bring Me Hope summer camps for orphans in China.  Going to camp has left me with some of the sweetest memories and some of the deepest sorrow my heart has ever known.  Getting to know and love some of the orphans I’ve met has had such a deep impact on my heart.

For the first two summers, I went enthusiastically to meet with these children who have experienced much suffering and abuse.  Many have attachment disorders, which keep them from forming deeper bonds with those around them for fear of being hurt again.  They run from good and from love because they are self-protecting.  Most of them have no idea how to receive love because they’ve been abandoned and mistreated.  They run from the very thing they need because they are afraid.

Summer after summer, I meet these children. I have attempted to purse them with as much love and faithfulness as possible.  I have made it my goal to bring them hope, show them love and tell them they have value. I have formed deep connections with many of the children. I’ve placed them on a bus on a Friday afternoon and have waived goodbye to them with tears streaming down my face and theirs.

This summer, I realized something.  The children and I are not so different.  I’ve been hurt. I run from love and I lack hope.  I understand them.  I know what it’s like to keep locked inside because more heartbreak seems unbearable. During a volunteer meeting Kelly, one of our camp directors read a description of attachment disorder to us.  For the first time, I realized that I’m prone to the same.  I was never orphaned but I’ve been neglected and mistreated and I carry those scars with me and sometimes they ooze with pain.  Self-protecting has also been my tendency and this year I’ve done it more than I’ve desired to. lokasari_pinkflower2013_0027Earlier during my week at camp this year, I communicated with Kelly that I thought it best not to connect too deeply with the children because the tearing when we said goodbye would just hurt them more.  I didn’t want to hurt them more.  I wanted to bring them a little hope not more pain.  In some way, this thought made sense but I was not opening my heart as wide as I possibly could to these children and that is not love.  I was acting and thinking in my own wisdom, which failed me.  Here is a description of love that Kelly’s kids recited from memory.  Here is my rock when my own wisdom fails me.

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.  And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.   If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing. 

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful;[b]6 it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.  Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 

Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away.  For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when the perfect comes, the partial will pass away.  When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways.  For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known. 

So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.” 

 “Love does not keep locked inside.  It is not afraid for “perfect love cast out fear.”.  Love endures forever.  It is the only thing that makes any sense.  If we are acting in love and laying down our lives for the sake of others we will gain more love and hope will rise. Self-protection makes sense but self-protection is not love.  I’ve been guilty of trying to protect myself from good.  I understand, but thankfully my week at camp did not end in self-protection but with love, the patient kind that waits.

I waived goodbye to one of my little boys.  He hugged others as he began to weep. I drew near and hugged him.  He lost more control of his emotions with that hug and his self-protection was crumbling. I could finally see hope rise in his heart.  I hope love continues to bear fruit in his heart. I hope the love he received he will pour out on others. And I hope that love would fall right back on him.  lokasari_pinkflower2013_0026My time at Bring Me Hope has been a journey.  I’ve learned what love really means.  I’ve seen it in the faces of each of the orphans.  I see the Father in them.  My heart both rejoices in them and mourns with them.  I see the Father more now than I ever have.  Caring for the unloved, the orphan has healed my heart from self-protection. I see this pure and blameless religion washing over me.  I’m so thankful for the wonderful opportunity to have gone to China for the third time this summer.  I went in brokenness and came back whole.  Thank you Father and thank you little broken beauties.  I’ll never stop loving you.  I’ll never give up hoping for you.  If you desire a family, I’ll hope that with you and mourn that with you.

 Wo Ai Ni (I Love You) -Rena

Past Camper to Future Volunteer

This week I was contacted by a young woman interested in volunteering for Bring Me Hope 2014.  As we continued to talk, I squealed with joy when I found out this girl, Anna, was one of our past campers!  There is something about reconnecting down the road with a kid that came to camp that makes life so real!2013BringMeHopeSummer_0045v

“My name is Anna Coiner. I attended Camp Bring Me Hope when I was in the orphanage in Jiangxi Fu Zhou . When we heard that we were going to Camp Bring Me Hope, we were all very excited. When we got to Camp Bring Me Hope, we did lots of fun activities. We went to the bowling place and played games, that was our first time went bowling.  We colored  our shirts and made key chains.  It was so much fun.  When we finished designing our shirts we all put the shirts on and take picture of us all together.  We also went to the river to swim.  I also remember that David Bolt jumped to the water because he saw snake but when he jumped in it was not snake it was just stick we all laughed.  I really loved the volunteers.  They were so kind to us.  I felt loved by them. We all really liked when the volunteers said “Good Night”  to us in English.  We also played musical chairs, it was an awesome game.  When Camp Bring Me Hope was almost over, we were all very sad.  We all were crying because we didn’t want to leave Bring Me Hope. 2013BringMeHopeSummer_0046 2013BringMeHopeSummer_0047

The next year, a couple kids that attended Bring Me Hope at they got adopted by an American family.  I was the last one to get adopted by an American family.  My family loves me and is taking care of me now.  I have been America for 6 years. Now I want to volunteer for Camp Bring Me Hope. I want to help the orphans just like when I was an orphan at Camp Bring Me Hope. I want to tell them about my story when I was in the  orphanage and then I got adopted by an American family.  I want to tell them all the fun things we did.”  Anna Coiner
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And here is Anna today…I already love this girl!

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Thank you Anna for contacting me and sharing your story!  We hope to see you next summer as a volunteer at Bring Me Hope Camp 2014 (woot woot, which will also be our 10 year aniversary)!

New Shoes │Taiyuan Recap

Today is story time from camp Taiyuan.

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pinkflowerphoto_0049 pinkflowerphoto_0050About a week ago we had a little girl named Suzi join us.  Suzi was a kind & warm hearted girl who loved her camp family to pieces.  One day Ciara, her Irish volunteer, brought her to the store and went straight to the shoe section.  Suzi’s shoes were “in bits” and didn’t fit her anymore, so it was Ciaras intention to surprise her by buying a new pair.  As they were looking at shoes, little Suzi began to cry and explained she didn’t have money and could never buy a new pair.  It took her awhile to finally understand that Ciara was buying the shoes and that she didn’t have to pay her back.  Ciara said, “She finally realized that I was going to give her a gift and her eyes got so big!  She couldn’t believe that someone would buy her new shoes!”  The rest of the day was all smiles from Suzi as she happily received the simple gift of new shoes.pinkflowerphoto_0052 pinkflowerphoto_0053 pinkflowerphoto_0054

One of our favorite parts of camp is giving out camp awards. Every night the ‘Award Fairy’ comes to our Assembly Hall (the Award Fairy is played by our crazy-fun staff member Keri) and each night new campers receive awards such as, “Most Generous” or “Biggest Smile.” We wish everyone could have the opportunity to see these orphans nearly burst with pride when their names get called to receive an award. They come up to the front of the stage and everyone cheers and claps for them as they hold up their awards. One of our little campers who joined us last year brought her award from last year which she keeps in a special folder because she is still so proud; even a year later!pinkflowerphoto_0055 pinkflowerphoto_0056 pinkflowerphoto_0057

This week we sent a few of our volunteers to ride back to the orphanage with the kids. They said as they looked around on the bus, so many of the kids had opened their memory books to the page of the ‘family photo’ and were just staring at the picture. Many of the kids looked at the picture and cried as they drove back to the orphanage. This really touched our hearts because we put a lot of time and effort into making the memory books, but we didn’t know how important they really were to the kids. These orphans cherish their memory books and many of them keep them in special places to keep them safe.pinkflowerphoto_0058

Although each week our little campers are carrying home lots of new things with smiles on their faces, our biggest hope is that they carry in their hearts the truth that they are special, important and very loved.  Camp is so important for these kids and in many cases is considered one of the highest points of their lives.  These are lives changed when you and I show love to these kids through volunteering at camp, sponsoring an orphan & standing alongside of them and advocating!  We want to thank you all for the difference you are making in the lives of these kids…who now can see that they are loved and have a hope that can carry them through.pinkflowerphoto_0059 pinkflowerphoto_0060 pinkflowerphoto_0061 pinkflowerphoto_0062 pinkflowerphoto_0063 pinkflowerphoto_0064 pinkflowerphoto_0065 pinkflowerphoto_0066 pinkflowerphoto_0067 pinkflowerphoto_0068 pinkflowerphoto_0069

For The Kids,

Bring Me Hope